The Secrets Of Happiness
by ItsOnlyDallis
Summary: Sometimes happiness isn't where you thought it would be. Sometimes it's in the last place you thought possible. Slash. COMPLETE!
1. Authors Note

As a few of you should have noticed, this story used to be "Quaxoria!"

As I said before, I didn't know what was going to happen with that one, and when trying to work on it today, this story showed up.

The first chapter is pretty much the same as "Quaxoria!"s but it's been changed slightly to accommodate the rest of this new story.

Also, it's now a slash fic. I don't want to give anything away, so that's all I'm going to tell you, but if you were reading this story before when you thought it was between Misto and Victoria, and you don't like slash fics, I'm sorry.

I have this entire story planned out as well, so I should be able to update frequently. :D


	2. Chapter 1: Queen Of The Dance

_Alright. This chapter is pretty much the same as the "Quaxoria!" chapter so you can't hurt me about changing the story. Well... I guess you can because my ideas for this one are a bit different then the last, but whatever._

_I don't own CATS. Happy?_

()()()()

Quaxo wandered into the Jellicle clearing. His natural instincts told him that something was happening, and sure enough, everyone was gathered in a group in the middle. Demeter and Bombalurina sat on the outskirts of the circle, whispering to each other.

"She says her name's Victoria." Bomby hissed in Demeter's ear.

"Who does?" Quaxo asked, stepping forward.

All the cats turned to look at him. Munkustrap stood up in an authoritative position. "We seem to have a visitor..." he droned in his deep voice.

Quaxo furrowed his eyebrows and a few of the cats prated to reveal...

The most beautiful cat Quaxo had ever seen. She had a shimmering white coat and bright blue eyes. She bit her lip in nervousness as the crowed around her grew larger and larger. Her eyes darted back and forth and up into the face of Munkustrap as Quaxo stared at her.

"What is she doing here?" He asked in wonder.

Munkustrap looked down at her and nodded his head, allowing her to explain herself.

"I ran away from my family." she admitted. Her voice was soft and beautiful. "They were terrible people. They didn't feed me and they left me out when it was cold." she glanced around at the faces staring at her again. "I needed some place to go... and I found this. Please... take me in?" She locked eyes with Quaxo as she said this. The two shared a moment together before Jenny Anydots stepped in.

"Well of course you can stay here, dear." The motherly cat comforted her. "There is always room for one more in the Jellicle tribe."

As Jenny began making arrangements for Victoria, the crowd began to disappear and the cats started going about their daily business again.

Quaxo stayed behind to try to talk to the beautiful, white kitten. He couldn't keep his eyes from sweeping her lovely body, her soft curves, her-

"So... fresh meat, huh?"

Quaxo's thoughts were interrupted as The Rum Tum Tugger came up from behind him.

"Hey, Tug. Yeah. I guess so."

"She's pretty cute." Tug observed as Jenny started showing Victoria around.

"Yeah." Quaxo agreed again.

Tugger was silent for a moment before he stalked off to be with Bomby. Quaxo slid into a pipe and watched the people around him move. He liked his pipe, it was hard to been seen, but he could see anything. He watched as the crowd of cats shrunk and shrunk until it was only Victoria left. She flitted around the clearing, checking out the different sections. The old junky car, the piles and piles of trash. She stopped suddenly and looked around. Unaware of Quaxo's watchful eyes, she moved to the center of the clearing and closed her eyes.

And transformed. She became even more beautiful then before by simply lifting her leg. She began a dance, a wonderful, beautiful dance. The moonlight shone down on her, a spotlight on her grace.

Quaxo watched the white cat dance. His eyes transfixed on her shimmering coat as she turned silently and gracefully on one foot. She showed off her flexibly, sliding into a perfect split and letting the moonlight caress her face.

He couldn't take his eyes off her. Everything about her was so beautiful, so glamorous, so perfect, so... unbelievable.

Quaxo felt a sudden pull. Instincts took over, and before he knew what was happening, he had slid into the spotlight with her.

Victoria opened her eyes with a gasp as she felt him close in on her.

"Hello." Quaxo said in a low, shy voice. "Would you mind... if I joined you?"

Victoria smiled, showing off her pretty white teeth. "Sure." She said, equally as shy. She began to turn circles around him, a small smile on her lips.

Quaxo grinned broadly and spun in a slow circle to fallow her. He reached his hand out and took hers, lifting her into the air and watching her hair fly in the wind. He set her down and they began prancing around the junkyard together.

Their bodies intertwined in their moonlit dance. Both perfectly in time with the music flowing through their heads. They spun, fast then slow. The wind blowing their fur out behind them in the night.

They were both in a place where time had no meaning, so when the faint light of dawn began to creep up over the horizon they were shocked. Quaxo stepped away, finally broken the magic between them and looked embarrassed.

"Um..." He tried to think of something to say.

"That was fun!" Victoria smiled. Quaxo stared at her, unbelieving that something so special could be happening in his life.

"Y-yeah..." Quaxo muttered. He bit his lip, feeling nervous. Victoria, on the other hand, laughed and turned in the soft light.

"I'll see you later!" She giggled as she danced into a separate part of the junkyard.

Quaxo watched as the silvery cat walked off into the soft morning light, and as she went, she took Quaxo's heart with her.


	3. Chapter 2: Let's Just Talk

_Alright! New chapter! THIS is where the story begins to get a little messed up. Actually... I think that it's the next chapter that will screw with your minds... but this ones getting there. I'll explain Quaxo's little... thing at the end. Just read the chapter an you'll know what I mean._

()()()()

Quaxo lay on his back on his bed. Tugger was busy scribbling in a book on their lone desk. "Are you working on your autobiography again?" Quaxo asked as the scratching noise continued.

"Yeah." Tugger replied without looking up.

"Can I see?" Quaxo slid off the bed and over to behind Tugger. Tugger snapped his book shut and looked up at Quaxo.

"No way!" he grinned. "No looking until it's done." he tapped the book with his paw.

Quaxo smiled at his friend and nodded. Tugger had been working on his autobiography since Quaxo had come here, nearly two years ago. Quaxo, like Victoria had been a stray cat who had found refuge in this little tribe. Tugger had been his best friend from the beginning, when Jenny had mentioned that Tug was one of the only cats that lived by himself and advised Quaxo to go live with him.

"So... were you out with Bomby all of last night?" Quaxo asked as he sweeped through the room, trying to think of something to do.

Tugger frowned slightly. "Nah. I didn't really feel like going out yesterday."

"Tugger? The Rum Tum Tugger not wanting to go out?" Quaxo faked a horror stricken face. "What is this world coming to?"

Tugger laughed darkly. "Yeah, I know. What about you? Were you, Alonzo and Pouncival out chasing rats again?"

Quaxo smiled, showing all his teeth. "Nope!" He replied proudly. At this, Tugger looked up.

"You weren't?"

Quaxo shook his head.

"But that's the only reason you're ever out all night."

"Not anymore." Quaxo explained excitedly, "I spent last night with Victoria."

Tugger didn't even try to hide his surprise. His mouth dropped open and Quaxo could hear him suck in a breath from across the room.

"Please..." Quaxo muttered, "it's not that hard to see me with a girl is it?"

But a dark look had passed over his friends face.

"Tugger? Are you ok?" Quaxo took a few steps towards Tugger, a look of deep concern etched on his face.

Tugger looked away for a moment, then back up at Quaxo. This time though, he was his old self, grinning like the ladies-man he is.

"Perfect." he assured Quaxo. Quaxo sighed and dropped back onto his bed.

"Tug, have you ever been in love?" Quaxo asked him, a silly smile on his face.

Tugger frowned and turned back to his autobiography. "I dunno, Quax." he replied, "what's it feel like?"

"Amazing." Quaxo sighed as he began to think back of his night with Victoria. "She's just so... pretty. The way she moves... the way she.. smiles..."

Tugger sighed from where he sat. "Yeah. I know."

Quaxo sat up. "Do you feel that way about Bomby?"

Another look passed over Tuggers face but it only lasted a second. "Yeah... sometimes."

"Only sometimes?"

Tugger sighed again. "It's not like that between us. We just flirt around a lot. I don't... love her."

"Oh." Quaxo said softly. An awkward silence fell between the two of them.

"Do..." Quaxo paused, debating between finishing his question or not.

"Do what, Quaxo?"

"Do... you feel that way about anyone?" Quaxo asked in a rush. He didn't know why he really cared. He was just a curious cat.

Tugger stiffened. "I don't really want to talk about this." He muttered with his face turned to the floor.

Quaxo nodded and pressed his lips together, trying to keep the streams of questions from spilling out of his mouth.

A sudden pain erupted in that back of Quaxo's head. Quaxo hissed and fell to the floor, clutching his head and willing the pain to go away.

"Quaxo!" Tugger was at his side in a heartbeat. "Quaxo, whats wrong?"

Visions exploded in Quaxo's mind. Munkustrap and... something dark... something scary...

"Munkustrap..." Quaxo moaned.

"Quaxo, do you see something? What? What is it?"

"Somethings coming... it's going to hurt... Munkustrap..."

Tugger cursed and jumped to his feet. "Quaxo, you need to get up. We need to go tell Alonzo."

Quaxo hissed again at the images that flashed in his mind. Flashed too fast for him to get a really good idea of what was happening. He pulled himself together enough to get onto his paws. With his eyes still squeezed shut both he and Tugger dashed out of the house to find Alonzo.

()()()()

_I know it's not stated in the story at all so here it is: _

_Because Quaxo is magical he has visions every once in a while. His intuition is also better then any other cat out there. His visions are normally of bad things, but he does have other visions too as we (might) see later on in the story._

_And for anyone that's tired of seeing Quaxo and Tugger slash stories, no one's forcing you to read this, ok? There are plenty of other ones out there so go read those if you don't want to read about Tugger and Quax. (Yeah, I gave up on keeping this a secret.)_


	4. Chapter 3: Just a Little Kiss

_ARG! Ok, guys. I'm afraid I won't be able to update all that frequently anymore, as my mom has taken away my computer again. I'm writing in my notebook so that when I can sneak onto the computer I can update, but it's all a matter of when my mom will be out of the house._

_Anyways... the story's going good so far? I guess you wouldn't really be reading this if it wasn't... hope you enjoy. There's a bit of slash in this one._

_p.s. I'm sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes right now, this was written in a rush so...  
_

()()()()

Alonzo was patrolling the west side fence when he heard a noise. He stiffened as the noise drew closer to him. It sounded like shuffling and it was slow, not fast enough to be any kind of threat.

The Rum Tum Tugger appeared over a pile of cardboard boxes. Alonzo relaxed, but only for a second as the sight began to unfold in front of him.

Tugger was practically carrying Quaxo, who had his hands to his head and an anguished look on his face. Tugger's eyes were full of worry and terror. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Quaxo had had another vision.

"What is it?" Alonzo asked as he raced up to meet the two toms.

"Quaxo saw... something happen to Munkustrap." Tugger explained quickly. "It's something bad... but the images are coming too fast for him to tell what it is."

Alonzo was off in a heartbeat. "I'll go look for him. You, take him to Jenny's." he called over his shoulder as he dashed through a pile of discarded chairs.

Tugger watched Alonzo for a second before turning his attention back to his friend. Quaxo's boyish face was twisted into a mask of pain. Tugger couldn't bare to see him this way.

"We're going to go find Jenny." Tugger whispered to Quaxo as he almost dragged his friend through the mounds of trash. "She knows how to make you feel better. Remember last time? Remember the tea she gave you?" Tugger tried to sooth him friend as they made there way slowly to the motherly old cat's house.

Quaxo nodded his head, but kept his mouth shut. The flashed of Munkustrap had stopped but the pain was still radiating in the back of his mind. Quaxo didn't like the way it felt. It was just... wrong somehow. Something was missing, something important.

"Tug..." he groaned, his eyes were still closed but he could feel hands lay him down on something soft. He could hear Tugger's voice but he couldn't make the sentences form together in his head.

"I have a bad feeling..." he tried to say, but his voice got caught in his throat and he began to cough. Hands were all over him in seconds, turning him to the side as he began to vomit all over the ground.

Tugger watched Quaxo's paling face as Jenny fussed over him. She poured some clear liquid into his slightly open mouth and his face began to relax.

"Will he be ok?" Tugger asked worriedly as his friend fell into a deep sleep.

"Oh, yes. He'll be fine, but please let him rest for a little while." She flitted around the room, pulling down old blankets and pillows and handing them over to Tugger. " I'm going to go see if I can help with Munkustrap." she explained as she walked towards the door. "Please stay here and keep an eye on him."

As soon as the door was shut behind her, Tugger dropped to him knees on the ground beside Quaxo.

"Quaxo..." he whispered as he stared into his white face. He wanted to reach out and... touch him. He wanted to feel his smooth, boyish skin beneath his fingers. He wanted to...no...

Quaxo had made himself clear. He... he loved Victoria. That stray cat he had met not even a day ago and he loved her! Tugger pounded his fist into the ground. It wasn't fair! Two years, TWO YEARS Quaxo had been living under his roof! Two years they had spent together, insuperable at times, and he falls in love with some stupid stay cat the second she walks into their life.

Tugger took a deep breath, calming himself. He looked back into his friends face. He was in such a deep sleep... he wouldn't feel anything... surly... it couldn't hurt?

Tugger reached out with a shacking paw. Slowly, carefully he let his hand fall to his friends face. He watched as the paw made contact ever so slightly. When Quaxo didn't stir Tugger could feel the grin escape onto his face. He let his hand trace the gentle cheekbone, he let his fingers run down his cheek. He felt... amazing! This was what Quaxo had talked about earlier. This was it. Love.

Tugger cupped his friends face with his paw and stared into it. His nose, his lips, his whiskers. All of it made the perfect cat that lay before him. Before Tugger really realized what he was doing, his lips were on Quaxo's forehead. The warm skin of the tom warmed his lips and...

Tugger lept up as if electrocuted. He threw himself against the far wall of Jenny's home. He stared, wide eyed at the cat that lay on the ground. What was he doing??

For two years, Tugger had never let his emotions get like this. He had never let them control him like this before. He ran his hands threw his hair, letting out a deep breath. He knew he had to be more careful. The small tom deserved a normal life with a normal queen. Victoria for instance. Tugger continued to try to convince himself this as he walked back over to where his friend lay, but as he got closer something destroyed all of that.

A smile.

A single, small smile that had appeared on the face of his friend. He was still asleep, Tugger was sure of it, but he was smiling. Tugger's heart soared and he suddenly didn't care about Victoria at all. He was sure, sure that he and Quaxo would be together. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but some day they would be.

Tugger was nothing would ever ruin this moment for him. And that's when Alonzo walked in.

()()()()

_Good? Bad? Really creepy on Tugger's part? (Yes.)_

_I'll try to update when I can. I've already written the next chapter, so as soon as I can get back on the computer I'll put it up. _


	5. Chapter 4: The Dark

_Woot! Two in one day!_

_I don't have anything interesting to say here so... yeah._

()()()()

Quaxo woke up from a groggy sleep. His head spun as he sat up, and he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He frowned as the shapes before him began to take form. Cats. Almost all of the Jellicle cats were squished together into Jenny Anydots living room. They lay together; on the floor, the chairs, the table. Tugger stood in the middle of the room, watching over the kittens. Victoria sat in a corner by herself, her eyes turned to the floor.

Quaxo looked around at all the faces surrounding him, the same look of pain and disbelief etched on each of them. Quaxo knew the answer to his question before he asked it.

"Munkustrap...?"

Tugger's head turned at the sound of Quaxo's voice. He locked eyes with the small tom and sighed.

"He's dead."

Quaxo felt the wind rush out of his body as if he's been punched in the stomach. His felt almost sick, as if he would throw up again.

"How?" he whispered into his paws.

There was a silence that stretched between each of the cats. Quaxo looked up into each of their faces, willing them to answer.

Tugger took a deep breath. "Macavity." he finally admitted. Quaxo's eyes widened.

"Macavity was here?" shock laced his voice.

"He didn't make it very far. Munkustrap was all over his the second he was over the fence. Alonzo got there in time to drive him away, but..." Tugger sighed again and Quaxo understood. The damage had been done. Quaxo moaned into his paws. It explained why the images had stopped coming to him, it explained everything.

"Where's everyone else?" Quaxo asked, trying to change the subject. He noticed the missing faces in the crowd, Demeter in particular.

"Demeter is off grieving. Bombalurina's with her." Tugger replied as if reading his mind. "The rest of them are helping with Munkustrap's body and watching the fences."

Quaxo could tell how desperately Tugger wanted to get out of this room and go do some good somewhere else.

"Go." Quaxo told him. "I'll keep watch here."

Tugger threw him a grateful look and dashed out the door. Quaxo looked around at the faces surrounding him, there wasn't a dry eye here. Even Victoria, who had known the Jellicle protector for less then a day was crying quietly by herself.

"Hey..." Quaxo said softly as he sat down beside her.

Victoria looked up at him thew her tear stained eyes. She took a shuddering breath and dropped her face into her paws.

"Shush..." Quaxo whispered as he pulled her close. His lips grazed her ear as he comforted to her and she shivered into his body.

"It's alright. He died a hero, that's the way he would've wanted to go." Quaxo continued to whisper to her but Victoria seemed to have stopped crying. She snuggled in close to his body and purred softly into his ear. Quaxo frowned, but began to understand as the white kitten started running her hands down the young tom's arm.

"Quaxo..." she whispered softly enough that no other cats would hear her, "I think we should go someplace a little more... privet..." She batted her eyelashes.

Quaxo could feel his mouth drop open a little bit but he struggled to retain himself. "But... you... Munkustrap? Weren't you?" he couldn't seem to make a sentence form quite right.

Victoria winked inconspicuously and and began her act again. She let tears well up in her eyes and she started to sob harder then before.

"Quaxo.. can... we please... go... outside?" She hiccuped into his shoulder. Quaxo looked around at the other cats in the room. None of them seemed to be paying much attention to the two of them. He helped Victoria up without a word and turned to Jemima.

"Keep an eye out here, ok?" He asked her as he led Victoria out the door. Jemima nodded without looking up.

As soon as the two had made in outside, Victoria brightened and began to laugh. "I can't believe it was so easy to get away from them!" she giggled.

"Well everyone's pretty shaken up right now." Quaxo muttered, not sure how he felt of Victoria obvious disrespect for Munkustrap.

"Oh, yeah." Victoria agreed absentmindedly. She danced a little ways away from Quaxo then wiggled her finger, inviting him to come closer.

Quaxo obliged reluctantly. He stepped up to the kitten and she placed her arms around his neck.

Without a word, she pressed her lips against his. The electricity that suddenly shot through Quaxo's body made him gasp. His hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they wandered to Victoria's waist and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her back, their lips moving in sync with each other. The pressure building higher and higher...

An angry hiss made them both jump. Quaxo spun around, his eyes widening and his heart racing.

His first thought was relief when he saw that it was only Tugger, but as he continued to stare he noticed something. Tugger was mad. And not mad like the time Quaxo ate his cookie. It was a Tugger, but not a Tugger Quaxo had ever seen before. He was furious. His eyes were red and narrowed into slits. His paws were fists at his side, and all of his teeth were bared and ready.

Quaxo didn't know what to do. Victoria whimpered behind him, reminding him that she was still there. He moved slowly to the side, never taking his eyes off Tugger, to better protect her in case his friend did something stupid.

Tugger howled in rage. His hands flew to his head and ripped out chunks of the fur. Quaxo stepped quickly towards him, reaching his paws out, offering help. Tugger hissed at him, their eyes locking for a second before the big cat turned on his heals and fled. Quaxo started after him but was stopped by an angels voice.

"Quaxo... you're not going to leave me, are you?" Victoria asked, batting her eye lashes and gently wrapping her hands around his stomach.

"Victoria..." Quaxo explained softly, "He's my best friend. I'll be back soon." Quaxo twisted out of her grip and began after Tugger again.

"Is he more important to you then me?" Victoria wailed at his retreating figure. Quaxo paused a second, debating his response.

"I'll be back soon." He eventually muttered and dashed off in the same direction as his friend.

Victoria gasped and put her hands on her hips. She huffed as she turned her body back towards Jenny's house. There was more then one tom in the tribe.

()()()()

_I make Victoria seem rather mean in this story don't I? Hm. Maybe I subconsciously don't like her._

_Next chapter will be up at some point. I'm not quite done writing it yet, so it may be a while. (It may also be tomorrow. I don't know.)_


	6. Chapter 5: Silence

_Would you believe... only 3 chapters left?? Sob. _

_Big thank you to everyone that's been reviewing! I love getting them. It makes my day when people actually want to read about my silly CATS addiction :P_

()()()()

Quaxo hadn't slept all night. Every part of his body screamed for sleep, but he knew that he had to find him. Part of the small tom told him that it was hopeless. If Tugger didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be.

Quaxo just couldn't bring himself to accept that though. He picked his way through the junkyard. He pulled apart beds and sofas, chairs and boxes, anything that Tugger could hide in.

Quaxo searched everywhere in the yard and asked every cat that he saw. None of them had seen the Tugger and none of them had the energy to look.

"Quaxo... he just needs time... he'll come back when he's ready." that was the advice Pouncival had given when Quaxo expressed his concerns. The young tom began to feel helpless, lost, alone... he had already tried to use his powers to search out his friend, but he couldn't find anything. Quaxo knew the cat must have left the junkyard, and that meant that the chances of him ever being found were slim. The world out there was huge and dangerous. Quaxo already knew that, but if there was any, ANY chance at all of Tugger being found, Quaxo had to take it.

Quaxo took a deep breath as he reached the junkyard gate. It was a big world, but Tugger was out there somewhere. Enough time and diligence put into it, and Tugger would be found eventually.

The young tom stepped out of the junkyard and into the big world ahead of him.

()()()()

Quaxo slid down the busy street. He squeezed around the many feet that stomped around his head, missing him by only centimeters at times. Quaxo hated the city. It was loud, it was crowed and no one ever cared about the well being of one little cat.

Which somehow didn't calm Quaxo down at all.

Quaxo continued to comb through the crowd of humans. Woman with pointed shoes clicked next to his ear and men with big, large pollicles let their dogs bark at him. Quaxo felt oddly frightened of this place. Even though he had spent years living out here, he hadn't set foot outside the Jellicle junkyard alone since he had come to live with them. He didn't like not having the protection of other cats around him. He didn't like knowing that if he got hurt, Jenny Anydots wouldn't be able to come rushing to help. Quaxo almost debated going back to his home and waiting for Tugger there.

But he knew he couldn't. Tugger was his best friend. More then his best friend even. There were some days that they were inseparable, and they always knew where the other one was... eventually. Something in the pit of Quaxo's soul told him that this wasn't going to be the same as the other times. This time, when they found each other if wouldn't be all smiles and laughs. Something about Victoria upseted Tugger, and Quaxo didn't care what it was, he would do anything to get his best friend back.

Quaxo wandered through the busy city streets, dodging cars and feet as he went. he passed building after building, crossed street after street. Quaxo began to feel completely hopeless, knowing that Tugger could be anywhere. Any box, any garbage can, could easily hide the tom, but Quaxo just didn't have to time to check each any every one of them.

One foot in front of the other, thats how Quaxo continued down the streets. He kept his eyes and ears open and his powers going at full force.

He had just passed another darkened ally when some unseen, inviable force stopped him. He paused in his tracks, nearly getting run over by a human on a skateboard. Something tingled in Quaxo's body, his instincts telling him to go back. Quaxo obliged, doubling around and peeking into the ally. He tried not to get his hopes up too much, his powers had been known to trick him before. His eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness of the confined space. The contrast between here and the busy city streets was unsettling. Here, it was dead silent but the fear of a big city still lingered in the damp air.

Quaxo's magical intuition pushed him forward though. It pushed him passed crates and cans, places that would be perfect for a cat Tugger's size to fit in. Quaxo knew though, he just knew that this time his powers were right on. Tugger was here somewhere and Quaxo was going to find him. Quaxo stretched his eyes wide as he neared the ending of the ally. His intuition screamed at him, Tugger should be right here!

Finally, Quaxo lept up onto a large crate. He peered around him and... there! Quaxo felt a smile erupt on his face. Tugger! Curled up in a corner of the ally!

"Tug!" Quaxo cried as he lept off the crate and flew into the air. He landed on the ground next to his friend and batted at his ears playfully. "Tugger! It's me! It's Quaxo!... Tug?"

Quaxo stopped swiping at his friend for a moment, but the cat below him didn't move.

"Tug...?" Quaxo repeated. He bent his head and nudged the tom gently. Quaxo waited, seconds ticked by, until it slowly began to dawn on him. Like an egg cracked over his head, it started there and slowly worked it way down until it was passed his face, his shoulders and finally hit his heart.

"No..." Quaxo whispered taking a few steps back from the cat before him. "No... Tug!"

Quaxo lept forward again and placed both on his small, black paws on his friends back, pushing him over. Tugger rolled onto his back and Quaxo couldn't help but scream.

The normally perfect and well groomed cat was a mess of matted hair and dirt. His eyes, normally wide and full of life were dull and gray. Blood pooled out from the young toms slightly open mouth and landed on the pavement below. His legs were twisted into weird, unnatural positions and his head had a gushing wound right in the middle of it.

"No...no.. Tug..." Quaxo muttered as his eyes began prickling with tears. Quaxo placed a paw on the toms face and turned his head slightly so it was looking Quaxo in the eye.

"Tugger... Tugger, why?" Quaxo chocked as he dropped his head into his paws and sobbed.

()()()()

How long he sat there for, Quaxo had no idea. It could have been 15 minutes, it could have been three days. Time didn't matter much to Quaxo right now, he wasn't sure if it ever would again. Right now, Quaxo just felt... numb. Like his body was trying to protect him from the pain that was sure to come at some point.

Quaxo stayed by Tugger's side the entire time, barely sleeping and eating nothing. Every once in a while he would say something and look over at Tugger, hoping desperately for an answer, bringing a fresh set of tears to his eyes when he never got one. If only he could hear his friend speak again...

"Quaxo..."

Quaxo nearly screamed. He jumped back from the body that he was rested against and stared at it with wide eyes.

"Quaxo!"

Quaxo turned around, realizing the voice was coming from somewhere else. He turned to see Alonzo at the entrance to the ally, peering in with his electric green eyes.

"Quaxo what the hell do you think you're doing?" The black and white cat scolded as he pranced down the length of the dark space. "Everyone is going insane! First Munkustap is killed then you and Tugger disappear and-" Alonzo froze as Tuggers corps came into his view. He stared at it and then at Quaxo's tear stained face and back again.

"Oh, heavyside..." he mumbled as he came closer.

Something overtook Quaxo as the other cat came close to his dead friends body. Quaxo hissed and jumped between them, arching his back and glaring at the other tom. Alonzo paused again, debating fighting Quaxo, no doubt, but sighed and took a few steps back.

"Quaxo, I understand how you feel..." he tried to reason with the young tom, "I understand how hard it is. I just lost my best friend too..."

A burning rage overtook the younger tom. "NO!" Quaxo screamed. "You don't understand! If you understood, you wouldn't be here! You wouldn't... you just..." The anger left the poor cats body as quickly as it had came and he dissolved into tears again.

Sinking to the cold pavement beneath him and covering his face again he sobbed, "It's not the same... it's not..."

()()()()

_Oh my god, this is so depressing! Two deaths in two chapters! Why?? People should probably stop reading this, or you're all going to end up with depression. It really doesn't get any better from here on. _

_Until the end at least... well... wait I'm not sure if it's happy or not... you'll all just have to wait and see, I guess. :)_


	7. Chapter 6: The Magic Man

_Alright, alright. I lied in the last chapter. There will actually only be one more chapter after this one. (boo's from the audience) I'm sorry! If I stuck that extra chapter in, it would be pointless. I promise you will like me better this way._

()()()()

Quaxo didn't leave his house at all after that. He spent all his time laying in his bed, staring at walls. Tugger's sent still lingered in the air and if Quaxo closed his eyes and concentrated hard, he could pretend that his friend was still there.

Many cats had come at first to try and comfort the poor tom, but he ignored them, and eventually they stopped coming. If Quaxo didn't think, it didn't hurt. That's what he had found from his days of moping and he intended to stick to it. Quaxo, a thin cat to begin with was painfully skin now from his days of no food. He just didn't see the point. He couldn't imagine a future for himself without Tugger, and frankly he didn't want to.

He was busy laying on his bed, feeling nothing, when an increasingly regular sensation filled him. Quaxo moaned, he didn't want to do anything right now, but he knew he's body wouldn't stop until he did whatever it was that he was supposed to do. Quaxo rolled out of bed and tried to stand on his paws. It took a few times, but he eventually managed to gain enough balance to let his body lead him over to the desk in the middle of his room. He pulled open the drawer with a quick tug of his paw and saw a book lying in it.

Tugger's autobiography.

Quaxo moaned again. His body wanted him to read this. Something to spark another round of tears in the toms eyes, another way to hurt him even more. This was Tugger's book. Quaxo's body wanted him to open it, but his mind hesitated. No one ever read it, not even Quaxo. Most cat's didn't even know it existed. Tugger hadn't wanted anyone reading it until it was done.

_But, _Quaxo contradicted himself,_ it's as done as it's ever going to get._

Quaxo sighed, knowing that even his own body was going to beat him in an argument right now. He lifted the heavy book out of the drawer and flipped open to the first page.

_I hope you all realize that I wouldn't normally be doing this, but right now, I don't have anywhere else to go. Normally I would go dump all these stupid problems on Bomby or someone, but I can't do that now. You'll see why I guess._

_It was about a week ago that Quaxo came to live with me. He's a stray cat... why am I explaining this? I'm the only one that's ever going to read this... oh yeah, if you're not me and you're reading this, get out now. Or I will kill you. Got it? Ok good. Where was I? Oh yeah. Quaxo came. Um... I really don't know how to explain this. It's really weird but I guess_

The rest of the next few pages were scratched out and completely illegible. Quaxo stared down at the page. This didn't seem like an autobiography at all... in fact... it was almost a... diary... but no. Tugger? The Rum Tum Tugger with a diary? That was insane. Tugger was the most manly man, the biggest flirt, the... well you know. He was Tugger. Quaxo continued reading the book in front of him, his heart racing with every passing second,

_We'll try this again. Last time, I dunno... this feels really gay. But I can't tell anyone about this. Ever. And I need to just put it down somewhere. I guess this is as good as anywhere else. I guess..._

_um..._

_If I write down what I'm about to write, I have to make absolute sure that no one ever reads this EVER. Ok ready?_

The rest of the page was blank. Quaxo skimmed ahead a couple pages. They were all blank as well. He continued flipping pages until he finally came to one with one small sentence written on it.

_I'm gay._

Quaxo stared down at the page. He felt almost sick. A million emotions bounced around his head. Shock, amazement, pain, sadness, and other things he couldn't begin to explain.

Quaxo sank down onto his bed and cradled his head in his paws. Tears leaked from his eyes again, soaking his fur. He didn't understand half of what was going though him right then and it scared him. He shivered into his bed, shrinking away from his own thoughts.

Quaxo looked down at the book again. It was his last link to Tugger, even if it was all about... himself... Quaxo wanted to read it. He wanted to know. He picked it up again and continued reading.

_There. I said it, happy now?_

_---_

_I'm not really sure how I should feel towards that cat. He lives in my house, he eats my food, he takes up my space and he steals away my masculinity. I should hate him, but I don't. He does this really cute crooked smile when... fuck, I'm even starting to sound gay._

_---_

_Know what? It doesn't matter what I write in here, because no ones ever going to read it._

_Quaxo DOES have a really cute crooked smile. So take that!_

_---_

_Quaxo showed me something today. He's magical! Did you know that? It was amazing! He says that when he's doing magic, he feels like a completely different person. When he's Quaxo, he's quiet and shy, but when he's Mr. Mistoffelees (the stage name he made up) he's outgoing and interesting. Or so he says at least. I think he's pretty interesting as Quaxo as well, but I may be a little biast on the subject._

Quaxo couldn't help but laugh as he read that. He remembered that day all too well. Tugger had been so amazed at even the simplest tricks. He was so funny to watch as Mistoffelees paraded around, shooting lighting from his paws and pulling flowers out of mid air. This is what Quaxo needed, a reminder of the good times. The happiness that the two of them shared together remembered and brought back into the light. Brightening the darkness that Quaxo lived in right now.

Quaxo spent the rest of the day reading the book. He laughed along with Tugger at some of their crazy adventures and sighed whenever Tugger mentioned something stupid they had done. He read the book for hours on end, never stopping, until he reached the day that Victoria came into the tribe.

_A new cat showed up toady. She's the first one since... well I guess she's the first one since Quaxo. She's... very pretty... I caught Quaxo staring at her. I know he watched her from that stupid pipe of his for a while after everyone else had left... I guess it's only fair that he live a normal life. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else from him..._

_---_

_He's sitting on the bed. He's talking about her. For the first time, I wish he would just shut up.... no... I just wish he would feel that way about me. I wish h_

_---_

_Quaxo and I are made for each other. I'm sure of it. He had another vision today and passed out. Jenny went off and left me alone to watch him and... well I dunno I guess my emotions got the best of me... but I kissed him and he smiled! He was sleeping... but he still smiled!_

_---_

_I'm sorry. This will be the last time I write in here. I can't take this anymore. Quaxo doesn't love me, and he never will. I know that as long as I live, I'm going to keep tricking myself into believing that he will someday love me, so I've got to go now, before it happens again. He doesn't love me and he never will..._

_Goodbye everyone. _

Quaxo was on the ground again. Everything made perfect sense now. Tugger had loved him since the day Quaxo had come into the tribe and Quaxo had ignored it. It was terribly obvious to him now. He couldn't believe the signs he had missed and the destruction it had caused.

Quaxo let his head drop, he thought he had used up all of the tears in his body but they still managed to pool into his eyes again. He squeezed them shut, blocking out the outside world. Trying to sort everything in his mind. Emotions no cat could ever fathom ripped at his brain and tore at his mind. His heart ached and his head hurt, the lack of sleep and food came tumbling down on him. All at once, everything that had happened over the last few days began to beat on him.

His stomach felt as if it were eating itself, he could feel his mind begin to try to escape the pain. Victoria, Munkustrap and... Tugger's face flashed through his mind, stabbing him again and again. The young tom gasped and clutched at his fur, trying to get away, get away from everything. Quaxo's brain begin to shut down and his whithering body began to give up.

Darkness began crowding his vision, creeping in from the edges and melting over the images in front of him.

Darker,

Darker,

Darker,

Black.

()()()()

_I want to start off by saying that I really don't like calling things "gay" and I'm sorry to anyone that takes offense to it. It just seemed like something Tugger would say. I'm really sorry, it's probably the only impoliticly correct thing I get really angry at people saying. _

_Ok, so one more chapter. I'm pretty much done writing it, I just need to type it up. (sob) It's almost over. It's amazing how much this story has changed from my original idea. :P I think I'll put some of that fun stuff up at the end of the next chapter just so you can all see :D_


	8. Chapter 7: But I'm Happy

_Alright guys, this is it. The last chapter of "The Secrets Of Happiness". It's actually a rather short chapter. I know it's kind of a cheesy ending but I couldn't help myself. Enjoy!_

()()()()

Light.

Quaxo rubbed at his eyes and frowned at the brightness that shot into them, even through his closed lids. For a second, nothing registered. Then suddenly, the toms eye's shot open and he lept to his feet. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open as he felt the solid ground beneath his toes.

He could see! He could feel! He stared, amazed at his paws. They were things he was sure he would never do again. He suddenly looked up, taking in the sights around him for the first time.

He was in a place he had never seen before. He could feel his breathing start to quicken as a feeling of uneasiness poured through him. He bit his lip nervously and whipped his head around.

Everywhere he looked was... bright. White. There were places everywhere that a cat could hide. Obvious dens surrounded him, but Quaxo didn't see any other cats around.

He took a few shaky steps around, testing his legs. He was completely alone, his eyes sweeping the area for any sign of life. He moved towards the cubby spots, sniffing them timidly. Faint smells remained but Quaxo could tell that there hadn't been any inhabitants for a while.

Quaxo let a little whine escape from his throat. He stumbled back a few steps and dropped to the ground. He placed his paws over his eyes, willing this place away. Wishing for a friendly face, a gental voice. He lay there a few minutes, silence surrounding him, gaining control of his body. He could feel the panic begin sinking through his body, slowly consuming him...

"Quaxo?"

The toms head shot up, the feeling of nervousness disappearing completely.

"Tugger!" Quaxo whipped around, the big, lovable cat stood on the other side of the small space. A mask of pure bewilderment cemented on it's face. Quaxo ran faster then he had in his entire life as he crossed the space between them. He crashed into his friend in a hug, knocking both of them to the ground.

"Quaxo?!?" Tugger repeated, amazement flooding his voice. "What... how....?" he didn't seem to be able to form a complete sentence. Quaxo nuzzled his head into the older toms chest, the happiness flowing through him, different from any he had ever felt before. More intense, more real. Tugger stared down at the tom attached to his waist and couldn't help the tears that sprang to his eyes.

"Quaxo..." he said softly, "you're... you're dead..." Quaxo paused and looked up. The two pairs of eyes met and held a stare between them. Quaxo's face twisted into one of confusion rather then grief and Tugger couldn't help but frown.

"What?"

"I..." Quaxo began and tilted his head to the side in thought, "I should be sad, shouldn't I?"

"You're not?" Tugger asked, surprised.

Quaxo closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. "I'm... I mean... you're here." He re-opened his eyes and looked at his friends face, "I don't think I can be sad."

The two toms shared a moment of complete silence. Tugger could feel a cold sweat begin to break out on his forehead. Years of waiting, and suddenly nerves were keeping him from doing what he really wanted to. Igroning the idea's in his mind, he struggled to his feet and took a few steps back. "What about Victoria?" he asked as Quaxo pulled himself up gracefully. Tugger couldn't help himself as he admired the soft curves of the younger tom's body.

Quaxo smiled and shook his head. "It's not the same." He said, so softly it was almost a whisper. He took a few steps closer to the big, leopard print tom in front of him

"You know..." Tugger gulped as the young tom came closer to him, "there are some really hot kittens just over there who-"

Tugger was cut off as Quaxo came up right next to him. "Tugger," he said as he pressed his body right up against the older tom's and looked into his face, "you are absolutely absurd."

Quaxo lept up onto his toes and placed his hands on the other tom's arms. Tugger sighed, his body finally able to do what it had wanted to do since the moment the two of them had met. He bent his head down and gazed the younger toms cheek with his own. He turned his head slightly, and that's when they kissed.

()()()()

_FINALLY SOMETHING HAPPY! :D No wait... it's over :(_

_Alright, so I said that I would put in some fun stuff, but I have to do some thanking first. _

_Thank you to:_

mit

Mistoffelees980

Alphoscapsy-cola

ChaddarPixie

health-critic

_All of you guys kept me going with you're great reviews! _

_Extra big thank you to_ RIPStitches _who was almost always the first to comment every time I put a new chapter up. You're funny comments and great reviews made me excited to put up a new chapter, just to see what you would say!_

()()()()

_Now for the interesting stuff! (Well... not really. You can pretty much stop reading now.)_

_Alternate Title Ideas:_

_-True Love_

_-Love At Last_

_-Right Beneath His Nose_

_Original Ideas:_

_-Originally, after Quaxo read Tugger's Autobiography, he also found out that Victoria was his sister. Even though he knew that she was his sister, Quaxo still loved Victoria and he killed himself when he realized they couldn't be together. I changed it though, because I wanted Quaxo to die with Tugger in mind, not Victoria._

_-Before I really decided I wanted Quaxo dieing with Tug in mind, he also found Victoria cheating on him with Plato. (Hence the end of chapter 4 "_Victoria gasped and put her hands on her hips. She huffed as she turned her body back towards Jenny's house. There was more then one tom in the tribe.")

-_Chapter 3 and 4 started off as one chapter, but I split them up because I felt it worked better. _

_-For anyone that missed it, this story did start off as a Quaxo/Victoria story called "Quaxoria". That one was stupid. I love this a lot more. _

()()()()

_Yeah guys, that's it! I have a few more idea's up my sleeve for anyone that cares, and I've written another chapter to "Tugger's Sure Fire List Of How To Catch A Queen" I just haven't had time to type it up yet. I swear, I'll get it up sometime. _

_I'm also working on a really long one shot, that should be up at some point as well. Until then, though, Tootle Pip! And Thanks for reading!_


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